the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
