cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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