I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
