I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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