You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
