oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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