Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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