I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
