I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
