I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
