probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
