Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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