I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
