just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
