Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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