Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
