my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
