Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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