yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
