saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
