I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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