I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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