You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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