I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
