Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
