I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize