Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
