my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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