nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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