the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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