I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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