You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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