guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
