Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
