either way he was missing a nipple.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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