No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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