I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
