did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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