Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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