Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
