Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
