I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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