So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
