I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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