I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
