Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
