you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
