I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
