i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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