Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
