i wish my penis had a tongue
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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