She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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