We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
