so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
