my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
