His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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