I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
