how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I need to align my fucking chakras
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
