all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
