Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I want her autograph on my taint
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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