Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
