Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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