He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
