My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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