Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
