at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize