she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
