Please, let me fuck your mom
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize