Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize