Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
