My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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