there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
