I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
