how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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