my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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