Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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