Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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