i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
