I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize