Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
