i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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