Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
