it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
