He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
