I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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