Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
