We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize