Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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