ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
