That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
