I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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