I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
