the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize