Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
