that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
