Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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