I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
