totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
