the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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