with your own penis?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
